The Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Weekly News

What Scientists Have to Say About the Zombie Cow outbreak

Scientist are baffled by what is happening. They have no idea how these cows came back from the dead. They did catch one of the cows, and are now trying to find a way to stop this "zombie virus" from spreading. Dr. H.B. Dankworth and his team are worried about the state of the Earth We don't know what we are going to do in these troubling times. We worry about the state of the Earth, and the people on it. They say the virus is spreading faster than malaria with symptoms developing only after 3 days. This virus has the potential to make cows go extinct. We might end up with no beef for the rest of our lives.

Garage sale at 1336665444888999345 Boulevard road on 156789th street

Come to our garage sale! We have old mattresses for sale! We have antique furniture! Everything is 200 dollars or lower. We are willing to haggle. Everything is one of a kind, so hurry or you might miss the deal of your dreams. You want an authentic furby from the 90's? We got it! So if you want to find your new favorite thing, come down to 1336665444888999345 Boulevard road on 156789th street! This ad was paid for independently by Mr. Bob Marcus Daniel Michael Valentine Gray Jr.

Kylie Jenner Swallows a Live Hamster!

The celebrity known as Kylie Jenner swallowed a live hamster at the Met Gala Yesterday afternoon. She was wearing a dress inspired by rodents as she put it. She wanted to make rodents chic. The young celebrity claims that the hamster crawled into her mouth on accident, and she just instinctively swallowed. She is now at the doctors office just to make sure she is okay. We are pretty certain the hamster is not okay. There will likely be more news on that at a later date.

New Ice Cream Shop

A new ice cream shop is opening on 1st street downtown. It will be opening on the 21st of this month. It will be known as the Super Duper Fantastically Amazing Family Three Story Ice Cream Shoppe. They plan to succeed at making every single ice cream flavor in existence. To put that in perspective there are around 1000 flavors in existence. You will be amazed at the quality of the ice cream claims the store owner Mr.John Bryers.

Publix Sale!

All new sale! Get 50% off any detergent in the store for a limited time only!